Jack Conrad's Mother -Quiet Thoughts

Jack Conrad’s Mother

My name is Mary and I am one of many Mary’s in my family that will bear this name .But I have a story to tell and a life to share. I am 21 years old, but I felt so old I feel; like I have been on this earth a long time. My life as a girl was quite good. I lived in New Orleans and we had celebrations on Sundays and we were taught about God and prayers. I even had a pair of shoes. My mom was very fair and beautiful and she was the housemaid of a very rich family. The family that owned us had many children and they lived in the Quarters. I had simple tasks to do as a girl. I don’t remember working hard, but I guess they kept me busy.  The older girls were very nice to me and told me how pretty I was. I am not sure who my father was; I don’t remember him being a part of my life

 Life was good until I started growing up. The white men who would come to visit my owners would look at me different. My mom tried to keep me looking young with my hair in plaits and my clothes big, but that helped for a while. Eventually everything changed and by the time I was fifteen my life was changing drastically. I had a brother who was hired out to work for some other white people, so we seldom saw him. My mom was afraid she was going to lose me also and her fears were tested many times. The pain my mom knew was a way of life for people like us. We didn’t have control of our lives; even our minds were controlled to an extent, but our spirit was always strong and free.

Now life has taken me to a strange place. This place is small but the people seem to be nice, but you never know about white folks; they may smile in your face and sell your babies during the night. The man and lady who just brought me are looking at me quite queer; they ask me my name and names of my two children. My baby is just six weeks old and my other son is three. I have not even given my baby a name. I have been in so much pain and trying to figure out why and where I was headed. I was the property of a man in New Orleans and he treated me ok, but I was his property. I had his children and politics has forced him to move back to Europe, so he found a place for me in this place. He could have given me my freedom and I could have become one of the many free people of color in New Orleans.

There are not many slaves here. I only counted five. (Cailluett Plantation archives)

Yes I have limited reading and counting skills. My new owner is Jacque Caiilluett. And his wife is name Maria Clara.

She likes my baby and called him Jack; I guess that will be his name.

 An older Black woman also meets us at the gate : ” Girl, pick up your things and go with Mamie to that house!  I was brought for $1000; me and my two children. The price seems cheap for three lives, but the owner is probably doing my former owner a favor by taking us in because it seems like this place does not need any more help. “Move faster and give me that baby; acting like  you is lost; you gon be alright here, I am gon take care of you til you can work. Beautiful baby; daddy must be a white man; that’s alright; we’ll still love him. Love will make him strong.” Mamie kept talking, but I was so tried, I sat down in the cabin and went to sleep.

I slept all night and when I woke up the next morning; the lady of the house was sitting in the cabin holding my baby. I was scared at first. But she kept talking to him and rocking him and I felt he was safe because she was kind to my baby.  Jack was very fair, but Telsamo was darker , but with slow dark hair and very handsome. Jack had grey eyes and I was hoping she did not think this was her husband’s child. She sort of took to him and Mamie looked at me from the corner of her eye for me to take my baby and feed him. Mamie was docile, but wise. She took me to hold on to my baby and let the lady know I loved him more than she did.

This  is such a quiet place; the other slaves are moving about their chores ; two women in the yard, one in the house and the two men are in the small field. I sat on the steps of this humble shack with my baby and fed him. Jack was a gentle baby with a good disposition. Telsama was playing in the yard in front of me. What can a woman with 2 babies do on this plantation, but eat and grow strong to work hard.

Mamie calls for me to get up and help her with the washing. I am still weak , but I put Jack on my back and move towards the tubs. Mamie talking loud, “Girl, git over here and put them clothes on the line; I knows you ‘s weak, but you got to earn your keep; she winks at me; asif to let the owners know I am working. She is talking loud enough for everyone to hear. But you know this maybe her way of helping me. I move slowly-trying not to wrestle with these wet bundles. I stumble and almost fall and I felt Mamie’s arms cradle me; she sits me down without saying a word-takes the clothes from me and hang them up and saying loudly, “ you did a good job, before long you will be strong enough to do the laundry by yourself and I can stay in the kitchen; she winks at me again as I sat on the ground in dismay. I feel like I have an ally for me and my children, but only time will tell.

A few minutes later, I feel a little stronger and I walk back to the tub of clothes and as I whisper “thank you” to Mamie, I pick up a bundle of wet clothes and move towards the line. I hear Mamie talking loud,’ alright , watch Jack on your back, that baby looks like he grew overnight; that country air  makes him strong.” Soon as Mamie said that , the mistress had come out on the porch , “Mary , let me hold Jack while you hang those clothes.”

The mistress seems to love Jack. I wonder if she has lost a baby or if she wants a baby. She seems a little old, but maybe Jack reminds her of a baby she lost. I walk towards her and sit Jack in her arms. I know she will protect him; he will never see a whip on his back as long as she is alive.  We keep working and Mamie disappears into the big house and start cooking. She tells me to sit on the steps and she will bring some potatoes for me to peel. The mistress is still holding Jack. Telesmao is playing in the dirt. There are a few children on the plantation, but none as young as my children. It is the end of summer, but it is still very warm. As I peel the potatoes, My body needs to feed Jack and I tell the mistress I need to fed Jack. She hands him to me and tells me ‘careful with ‘my Jack’. I am still tried from life, but I am life and what journey life has taken me.  I had my first baby at 17 which is not uncommon for slaves and  my children’s father was the slave master who owned me. He had many children from his wives and my  relationship with him was about sex, not love. I did not experience love with him, but he did give me a home and I was treated pretty decent. He gave me something more than love; he let me keep my children, who are my most precious possessions. My children father brought me from New Orleans to a small town in St. John the Baptist Parish. He had a large family and he had a wife and many children, Some of his children died as infants. His first wife  died before I was born and he married a second time and his second wife did not have any children. When I came to the plantation he was on his third wife. His plantation was small only 13 slaves while I was there. He was moving and trying to sell all his belongings. But I am thinking he had other businesses or maybe another plantation with many more slaves. But that is not my plight. My most important reason for living is the two little boys that are enslaved like me. I have to figure out a plan that will keep us together and make sure they grown up to be strong men.

Jack is growing more and more like his father in image, but he has a constant cough that maybe asthma. We don’t have any clothes, just the clothes on our backs. The mistress of the house has a little girl between Telesmao and Jack’s age. She gave the old lady who I live with some clothes for Jack. At this age it does not matter  what kind of clothes he wears, just so he has some clothes to keep him warm. I manage to make a shirt for Telesmao. My children don’t have shoes; that is heartbreaking because I remember shoes when I was small. But this arrangement was suppose to be a better life for me and any children I might have. But here I am on a small farm not a free woman of color but enslaved and sold into slavery  with my children. What kind of man would do that to his children and the mother of his children? But I must protect my sons as best I can. I must teach them to work hard, to maintain their freedom of spirit but to disguise it . I will try to tell them stories of my family and my history what little I know.

The old lady is calling me to get some chores done. I put Jack down and remember I am a slave; I belong to someone else and I must move when they say move, walk when they say walk, talk when they say talk. What a life! But what a life for my sons. I must stop thinking in the day time and save my thinking for night.

“ Finish feeding our baby, Jack, ; let me hold him while you finish the washing and put those vegetables on the kitchen table.  Hey, baby Jack, you gon be alright, Big Mama gon make sure you grow up strong. I;; tell you the secret to survival on this here place.” She goes on talking to Jack as if he understood. Her. “My babies are all gone, some in heaven and some in land I don’t know nothin about. I had three boy babies and they is all gone. When they made ten Master sold them for money; you see this place was not rich then and my boys were big and strong for their age. They were dark and big and Master sold them, but you, Baby Jack, you so pretty, like a white baby and they gon love you round here and I gon teach your mama how to git them white folks to keep you here and not sell you. “ She rocks Jack and start singing to him”. Telesmoa is playing in the dirt. He is too small to work, but time will come soon when he will be put in the field to work from dawn to dusk,

Stop thinking and keep working. After finishing the wash, I go into the kitchen to put up

the vegetables and a pretty little girl about 2 or 3 comes in and ask me for a fruit. I call for Big Mama because I don’t know what to give her.

The little girl was name Clarissa and she was almost the same color as Jack. I guess that’s why the mistress loved Jack so much; he reminded her of her own baby. Clarissa would grow up with Jack and they would play together sometimes until it became noticeable that Jack was a slave.

But not to get ahead of the story, Big Mama came quickly up the steps and peeled a banana for the little girl and she went back into the house. Big Mama went back on the back steps and picked up Jack who she had laid on the clothes she was folding. I came behind her and tried to take Jack, but she told me to finish the clothes and she would care for Jack. I couldn’t understand why Jack was so important to everyone who held him; it was a sign that he was meant to do something great. Maybe I would live to see it and maybe not, but God knows to protect him for whatever he is meant to do.

The summer was getting warmer; even though it is summer year round in Louisiana especially in this part of the country. I hope I don’t have to go into the sugar fields; that looks like hard work. I guess I’ll be safe until Jack is a little older. The sun is rising high in the sky, so I must move faster and get these clothes on the line. Big Mama ask me if I can cook. “Girl, can you cook because we gotta find a place for you while you is nursing Baby Jack “. I shake my head no. “ What can you do?” she said laughing. I answered, I can sew a little. Her eyes opened wide and she smiled, “I think you are going to be alright she starts laughing; you hear that Baby Jack, your mama can sew; Lord, Have mercy; she gonna be in the big house and Baby Jack  , you gon be in there with her."

Any skill that a slave has is good. My mom taught me to sew as a child. I would learn to thread the needle  and make straight stitches when I was 3 or 4. I was able to sew seams for my mom when she made dresses . That’s how I became playing with the white girls in New Orleans. My mom would be measuring them for dresses she would make and I would be with her .

My life in New Orleans is all a dream now. I must learn to think and act as an enslaved woman, so I can protect my children. I am small and frail and not of much use to a man, but a skill to sew may save my life.

Lady Caillouett comes to the back door checking on Jack; he is such a good baby, not fussy and trying to laugh; she tells Big Mama to bring her Jack. She looks at him and turn to look at me; I put my head down and pretend I am busy with the clothes.